I don’t think it’s a secret that I’m a Nickelback fan. And it’s not just because I’m Canadian. I simply love the sound—the lyrics. That’s a title off their new album, No Fixed Address, and the song is all about seizing life and doing what you’ve putting off. Essentially, the Bucket List idea.
This week, we’re doing the flip side of that. Our Anti-bucket list. All the stuff we’d never want to do. So, obviously, I think it’s apparent I’d rather not die in some gruesome act of violence, or have horrible other shit happen to me. Won’t be including that. I’ll try to focus on not-so-obvious points. Thus, without drawing this out, here’s the list in no particular order…
1 — Swim with sharks. Okay. I know tons of people love this. Would kill to get a chance to dive in the Caribbean and take a dip with some Great Whites or Tiger Sharks. All I can say… I GREW UP WITH JAWS, PEOPLE. Like thousands of others, Spielberg spoiled the lure of anything such thing with the release of Jaws and that unforgettable theme. Da, dut. Da da da da da da—da, dut.
2 — Parachute. Here’s the thing. I’m a pilot. I can fly planes, helicopters…so why, in the name of everything holy, would I jump from a perfectly functioning aircraft? Why? I wouldn’t. Now, if the plane were going to crash…sign me up. But as an event that I’d like to do before I die…no way, sister.
3 — Bungie jumping. I don’t think any explanation is needed for this. Just. No.
4 — Have my kids taken away from me. Now granted, they’re getting older, but man. I can’t imagine not being able to be around them an annoyingly amount of time. So that’s hopefully something that will be removed as they grow into adults… but yeah. Never. Ever.
5 — Go to prison. To me, Orange is not the next black. And I will be incredibly happy if I never have to experience the penal system…in any country.
6 — Be patient zero in the coming apocalypse. Let’s face it. When the zombies come…and they will…I don’t want to be the one who starts it all.
7 — Being eaten alive. Had to toss that in there because….yeah. That.
Really, all the other things I think of, well…obvious. Things no one wants to have happen to them, lol. Please check out the other ladies. I’m sure they have far more profound items.